Unhelpful Reviews for Movies You've Already Seen

It's been a while since we got a chance to go to the theater here at Tiger Got..., so feel free to read reviews for movies you've already seen by somebody without the necessary credibility.

Jurassic Park
The movie failed to clearly touch on the God complexes the book had, making it slightly pale in comparison. However, the book killed the greatest character in movie history: Ian Malcolm. Where the movie failed to deliver the strong messages of the novel, it succeeded in being fucking awesome. Also, robots will always be better than computer graphics. Fuck you, George Lucus.

Rating:
4 Sexy Goldblums (out of 4)

Juno
I wish the pregnant girls I went to high school with were as funny as Ellen Page. I saw the movie because I've made a point to see everything Michael Cera is in. However, his 30 seconds on screen negligible. If I ever meet a 16 year old as awesome as Ellen, I'll be sure to impregnate her. Only hilarity can ensue

Rating:
4 Smiling Golblums (out of 4)