We would like to issue an apology to Dane Cook and all associated parties for rude comments left on his Myspace page the night of January 13th. Tiger Got... apologizes for sarcastically pointing out the fact that Dane is not, in fact, 100 years old as stated in his profile. We apologize for making fun of a video of him with an acoustic guitar, referring to him as a "typical Bostonian Jack Johnson wannabe dumbass."
We also apologize for presenting a picture of him in a Yankees' hat, despite doing commercials promoting before said Boston for the World Series back in "Actober." We also apologize for pointing out a picture of him with actress Jessica Alba in which he bears a striking resemblance to "The Terminator," except referring to his special abilities as "instead of traveling time, [he has] rendered me unable to become sexually aroused by Jessica Alba anymore."
Our management would also like to apologize for referring to the trademarked "SuFi" as "the shocker for gay dudes," accompanied with a graphic explanation of how the signature hand gesture leaves one capable only of violent sodomy instead of the traditional "shocker".
In short, please ignore any and all references to you as a "frat boy who's stupid ass couldn't make it in college" or fictional prayers of "Mitch Hedberg's reanimated corpse disemboweling you via episiotomy."
Signed,
Tiger Got Out of the Cage
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