Unhelpful Reviews for Movies You've Already Seen

It's been a while since we got a chance to go to the theater here at Tiger Got..., so feel free to read reviews for movies you've already seen by somebody without the necessary credibility.

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly
If you could have any celebrities body part what would it be? Brad Pitt's abs? Wrong. George Clooney's salt and pepper hair? Wrong. The debonair of the rest of the Oceans cast? Wrong. You want Clint Eastwoods balls.
Rating:
4 Cowboy Goldblums (out of 4)

Clerks
I'd rather watch my children being lit on fire

Rating:
1 Serious Goldblum (out of 4)

Sideways
People who like this movie aren't people I want to be friends with. "It's an interesting look at the human psyche and insecura-blah blah blah." It's just a boring, mid-life crisis movie. I wouldn't have hated it so much if they hadn't marketed it as ...(read more)a comedy.
Rating:
1 Serious Goldblum (out of 4)